Afraid.

Weight loss is scary...

I've touched on this in a previous post, but sometimes I don't know who I will be when I reach my goal.

I'm afraid of failing.

I'm afraid of succeeding.

I'm afraid of changing.

I'm afraid of staying the same.

I just haven't felt like myself in awhile...I feel like I'm in some 'in-between' stage, stuck in the middle of the past and the future.  People say to 'live in the now' or 'carpe diem'...but what if the now sort of stinks?  

It's easier to look back and say:  that's how far I've come.

It's easier to look ahead and say:  that's where I want to be.

But the now?  It's complicated...it's riddled with success and failure, excitement and fear, discouragement and hope, anxiety and calm.

In the midst of changing myself, I'm afraid of losing myself...and losing those I love so dearly.  

I've found this process is a catch-22:  putting myself out there, adventurous, trying new things...and shrinking back...alienating myself from my friends and spending time alone, trying to understand my issues.

So, for those wonderful friends of mine who have taken the time to read this, I thank you for your support.  Thank you for dealing with me and my fluctuating emotions...

Thank you for your patience.

And, if you haven't quite figured out who I am right now, 

don't worry...

I haven't either.