Thursday, April 26, 2012

So Much More.

I want to be in control...
of everything in my life.

God comes along...
always there,
asking me to trust Him.

Have Faith, daughter, He tells me.
Seek Him. 
He whispers promises to me.
He hears my heart.
He knows my words, before I ever speak them.

I find myself looking for Him, longing to feel His presence.
He's always there.  Always, always.
It is me who is distant...
I run to His mighty arms, and He restores my weary soul.
He holds me.
He sees the me I keep hidden.
And loves me more than I can ever fathom.

He loves me.
Even standing in the midst of my sin and shame.
He forgives me.

More than my mind can ever know, or understand,
He sees me and still,
He loves me.
More than I will ever comprehend.
More than I would ever dream.
More than I will ever know, this side of Heaven.

So much more.

Sunday, April 22, 2012


Today, I longed to go to the beach, to sit with my journal, to read my Bible there.  To hear the unending song of the sea.  To watch the sun setting behind vast waters.
I long for moments of solitude.  I always leave the beach feeling like I’ve found clarity, and my muddled thoughts are washed away into the abyss. 
I feel God’s power there, and stand in awe of His sheer greatness. 
I feel so small, like a speck when I look out over the horizon, which seems without end.  Yet, I also feel God reaching right to my heart, as if He sees only me.
Today, I found myself with a typical sickness.  The kind that took me from my bed, as far as the couch.  I’m quite certain that the salty air would have rejuvenated my spirit and body, but, alas, I couldn’t quite muster the energy to go anywhere. 
Not today, but soon, I want to find a solitary place, where the waves call and echo.  Where the breeze will kiss my cheeks.  Where I can find simplicity.
For today, this image will do.    

Sunday, April 8, 2012

How Far I've Come {Weight Loss}

{This post was supposed to go up yesterday!  Happy Easter everyone!  Easter post coming up later!}
Howdy folks!  It’s April!  Um, where did March go?  Seriously.  Easter is already here!  Before we know it, it will be summer!  Time is flying!
Anywho, I’ve been thinking about my weight loss, and the long (ever so long) journey I appear to be on regarding it.
I joined a gym last Fall, and love it.  Well, love it and hate it, but mostly I feel affectionately towards it.  Working out has really helped me manage stress, stay balanced, keep my focus, and maintain energy. 
And yet…
Sometimes I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle.  I want to quit.  There I days where I see the progress.  I days where I look in the mirror and criticize my appearance. 
But, then I remember something.  I often forget about it, because this has been such a long, winding, rough road. 
I’ve come farther than I realized.

I’m so grossed out by this photograph.  I hate it.  I’m embarrassed to share it.
But, it reminds me:  I’ve lost 50 pounds since it was taken.  50 pounds. 
I really forget sometimes that I was that much heavier.  That going to the gym really would have been humiliating, and painfully difficult.  Now?  I am aware of how I look, but don’t care.  I’m there to get fit, to get healthy, just like everyone else. 
Some days, I feel stuck in the rut of the weight loss sojourn.  I went to my meeting yesterday, and lost 3.4 pounds (not in one week, rather 3 weeks.  See?  I could have done better), but I still felt down about it.  That it wasn’t enough. 
But every pound lost is a pound that separates me from that girl. 
Yes, I am aware that it is not a full body photo.  However, I have spent years and 50 pounds perfecting 2 things:  1.  Posing for the camera to look my absolute best (hiding my double chin, finding my ‘good’ side, angling my neck to give it the appearance of length, and positioning my shoulders to accent my shoulder blades, because the slightest appearance of bones instantly gives the impression of thinness).  2.  Refusing to have full body photos taken unless absolutely necessary (as in, out of my control).
I will post a full body photo eventually.  I will search for one from that time as well, for a fair comparison.
Here’s the point of this post (at least, the epiphany I had regarding it):  Sometimes, we HAVE to look back, in order to move forward.  This is a cringe-worthy photograph, and I’d rather not see it.  And yet, in looking at it, I can see how far I’ve really come, and exactly where I am going.
I can only hope that this simple little blog spot will encourage you to look back on something, see where you have been, embrace it, and move forward.
Until next time, have a blessed day!