Sunday, April 8, 2012

How Far I've Come {Weight Loss}

{This post was supposed to go up yesterday!  Happy Easter everyone!  Easter post coming up later!}
Howdy folks!  It’s April!  Um, where did March go?  Seriously.  Easter is already here!  Before we know it, it will be summer!  Time is flying!
Anywho, I’ve been thinking about my weight loss, and the long (ever so long) journey I appear to be on regarding it.
I joined a gym last Fall, and love it.  Well, love it and hate it, but mostly I feel affectionately towards it.  Working out has really helped me manage stress, stay balanced, keep my focus, and maintain energy. 
And yet…
Sometimes I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle.  I want to quit.  There I days where I see the progress.  I days where I look in the mirror and criticize my appearance. 
But, then I remember something.  I often forget about it, because this has been such a long, winding, rough road. 
I’ve come farther than I realized.

I’m so grossed out by this photograph.  I hate it.  I’m embarrassed to share it.
But, it reminds me:  I’ve lost 50 pounds since it was taken.  50 pounds. 
I really forget sometimes that I was that much heavier.  That going to the gym really would have been humiliating, and painfully difficult.  Now?  I am aware of how I look, but don’t care.  I’m there to get fit, to get healthy, just like everyone else. 
Some days, I feel stuck in the rut of the weight loss sojourn.  I went to my meeting yesterday, and lost 3.4 pounds (not in one week, rather 3 weeks.  See?  I could have done better), but I still felt down about it.  That it wasn’t enough. 
But every pound lost is a pound that separates me from that girl. 
Yes, I am aware that it is not a full body photo.  However, I have spent years and 50 pounds perfecting 2 things:  1.  Posing for the camera to look my absolute best (hiding my double chin, finding my ‘good’ side, angling my neck to give it the appearance of length, and positioning my shoulders to accent my shoulder blades, because the slightest appearance of bones instantly gives the impression of thinness).  2.  Refusing to have full body photos taken unless absolutely necessary (as in, out of my control).
I will post a full body photo eventually.  I will search for one from that time as well, for a fair comparison.
Here’s the point of this post (at least, the epiphany I had regarding it):  Sometimes, we HAVE to look back, in order to move forward.  This is a cringe-worthy photograph, and I’d rather not see it.  And yet, in looking at it, I can see how far I’ve really come, and exactly where I am going.
I can only hope that this simple little blog spot will encourage you to look back on something, see where you have been, embrace it, and move forward.
Until next time, have a blessed day!

1 comment:

Shannon said...

Angels you are doing SO good. I am so proud of you! I feel your pain. Sometimes the number doesn't move, sometimes the clothes fit the same, sometimes the image in the mirror looks the same. What matters is that you keep going. You are beautiful, inside and out. Thank you for inspiring me!